by Scott Goble

I spend many weekly hours in the gym and as a result cross paths with a diverse range of characters. The gym is the true melting pot of society. It doesn’t matter if you are rich or poor, smart or dumb, young or old, fat or skinny if you work hard you earn my respect.  However there are a few people that quite frankly just shit me. If you fall under any of the following categories, take a good hard look at yourself.

Attention Seekers:

These characters are at the gym and they want you to know it! They generally possess one of, or in rare and obnoxious occasions the following two characteristics. They emit loud noises while they train, or they dress to impress. The noisy ones annoy me the most. They love to grunt, they love to drop their weights and they want you to acknowledge how hard they are training and their amazing strength. Try as much as you can to look away the constant noises will inevitable cause you to glance in their direction and feed their egos accordingly. Those that wear string tank tops and short shorts even through the winter months don’t really bother me all that much, I can choose to look away, but my initial assessment will remain the same ‘What a tool’.



These guys and girls love to take their time, they’re clearly in no rush to be anywhere and you better not be wanting to use their equipment because you could be waiting a while! They love to sit and play with their phones for five minutes between each of their three warm ups and five working sets. They are very social creatures in the gym and are happy to drape their towel or casually lean on the equipment while they engage their comrades in idol discussion. It’s not difficult to handle these guys in isolation, approach them with an aura of urgency and seriousness, pull one Ipod speaker out of your ear and ask them if they are using the equipment you want. If they say yes, ask them if they will be much longer, do not ask them how many sets they have left because two sets could mean fifteen minutes. If they say they may be a while ask if you can work in with them and just jump on the equipment at your own pace (about three sets for everyone of theirs) and shame them into picking up their pace.


I don’t care what most people do with their workout. They are at the gym for reasons different to me, if they want to socialise that’s cool. If they are talking on their phone maybe they have some important work deal or their wife is pregnant. It’s all good, you do your thing let me do mine. But when people make it difficult for me to do my thing, my blood starts to boil! My number one pet peave in the gym is people that get in the way, especially when it would be obvious to anyone with even the slightest amount of consideration that what they are doing will impede those around them. If you pick up a pair of dumbells to do side lateral raises, please, please take more than a ten centimetre step back from the dumbbell rack. Doing otherwise will prevent anyone from getting to the dumbells in your vicinity. Everyone knows about the guys that do curls in the squat racks, luckily I just don’t see that at the gyms I train at, but that’s another perfect example. Basically try to keep your eyes open and consider the fact that other people might want to be able to move around and access equipment unobstructed.

The Unhygenic:

Wipe your sweat up you pig. Haven’t you heard of deodorant?

The Space Invaders:

You know when you’re in the zone on the cross trainer, there’s nobody about…..until someone approaches……they pass the first cross trainer…….they pass the second crosstrainer………and they jump on the one right next to you so you’re almost brushing shoulders with them on each revolution. Why, why would someone choose the machine next to you when there are multiple others available that leave a comfortable buffer zone. Whenever possible, leave one crosstrainer, one treadmill or one bench between you and the other member. It’s the decent thing to do.

Enjoy your workouts people, they are your workouts so make the most of them. Feel free to ignore me and I will ignore you, but lets all try to enjoy our sessions harmoniously.

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